The night before the night before Christmas in Coon Rapids

I don't quite know why I did this but I waited to finish my shopping until the night before Christmas Eve. I would submit that the shopping mania on this night is only rivaled by Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. I didn't see anyone get trampled but I was almost mowed down myself a couple of times in Walmart (I know, I know) and avoided a collision only by my own sheer agility. I could expound on the entire experience of rude, crabby people (why shouldn't they be I guess?) all like me searching for that last minute gift. I overheard several frustrated conversations "Well, I don't know what else to buy?!!!" as well as the classic "MOMMY I WANT THIS!!!!!" from your stereotypical spoiled 5 year old. But the whole of my experience is really encapsulated by two instances which I will relate to you know.

1) My friend John and I have been commiserating over our mutual boredom with going into any electronics store and seeing a group of teenagers attempting to play Rock Band. Not that I'm against the game, it's just old to have to listen to people butcher the same songs over and over again. So last night, I'm at Best Buy at the Northtown Mall (big mistake) and of course I walk by one the afore mentioned groups playing Rock Band. However, the girl playing drums obviously has no clue what she was doing and beyond that, she was holding the sticks like a javelin and stabbing the drum pads like she was spearfishing for salmon in Alaska. I almost took a picture. It really makes me proud as a musician to see what things have come to. These morons were actually surprised when the game booed them off the stage.

2) I walked by a classic Coon Rapids couple (dude wearing a hockey jersey with relaxed fit jeans and workboots with a shaved head and a nasty goatee, blond chick with a bad root job and too much eye make up) and overheard them talking about where they liked to eat.

Dude: "We could go to Jimmy Johns and get a sub"

Chick: "Yeah"

Dude" "Or what's that Mexican place that has the big "rice diapers" and stuff?"

Chick: "Chipotle?"

Dude: "Yeah"

Wow....I really didn't even know how to react to that. I guess I'm just really not sure how a person can be so backwards as to refer to one of God's most magical culinary creations (the Chipotle burrito) as a "rice diaper".

I could go on, but to sum up, I made it home in one piece not completely worse for wear but my New Years resolution this year is to do my shopping earlier next year and also never to venture into a Walmart in Coon Rapids again....if I can help it.

And you thought my blog was dead....

I know I haven't blogged for awhile. Phil maintains it's because I have a job at a church so I quit blogging because I don't want to post an opinion that might offend someone. In reality, it's probably been a combination of laziness and business mixed in with the fact that I was given an Xbox for the price of a case of beer, so my free time has been spent elsewhere, mainly trying to beat Tiger at Pebble Beach, winning the Superbowl, keeping the world safe from terrorists, solving complex puzzles while defeating zombie sand creatures and becoming a renowned hero while avenging the honor of my family. Guess what I need to do less of? Anyway, the time has come to renew my contribution to the blogosphere and prove to Phil that I'm not copping out. Of course I don't share his pentiant for stirring up controversy so my subsequent blogs may not cause any riots but I'll do my best. That will do for now but look for a series of blogs in the upcoming weeks about odd comparisons that I've noticed.